i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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