I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Bring me that man meat
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
