Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
