it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Vodka?
Forever.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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