If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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