OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
