Why does Corona taste like a burp?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
