Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
There's always time for handjobs
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
