Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm at about main and main street
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
