Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
