im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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