The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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