Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
