Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
whose parrot is this?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
