I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I lost the right to judge tonight
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
