what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
