if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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