yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
