He uses pillows to masturbate.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My dick has a subreddit
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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