Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
