people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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