addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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