I wanna bring you to show and tell
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
