genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
