i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
