I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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