This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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