Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
