I skipped work to stalk him.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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