And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
