I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
