those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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