i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
