I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
