I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
