Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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