and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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