hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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