i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
splinters make it hard to masturbate
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
