she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
