Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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