Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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