i think i have two assholes
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Randomize
