some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
