Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
