I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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