Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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