Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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