what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
