I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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