I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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