U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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