Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
